I’ve been thinking about Dad lately. I guess, around Thanksgiving was the time we found out he was carrying cancer cells. Lung cancer. Abnormal, freakish, squamous cells, non small cell in fact. Death cells.
fucking cancer
I keep remembering the last day, the last hour, the last minute, the last time I saw Dad. It kills me. Makes me tear up and cry, clench the calves of my legs until they cramp up and hurt and twist my leg into a pretzel.
Sadness.
I usually crowd these thoughts out and try not to think.
when it comes down to it.
Painful
I think often about my own mutating cancer cells. I’m not diagnosed. I just think it is invietable. I will get cancer and I will die. when? I don’t know. Probably sonner than later. If not that then death by heart attack.
That’s my body type, my destiny, my history, my future… me
1 comment
Comments feed for this article
December 16, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Tami
Any time you loose some one, you never get over the pain, it may get easier but, it never goes away. The holidays are the worst as it was December 17th that I lost my dad. And its ben 21 years and the pain is still there.. I totally understand my friend. I am here if you need some one to talk to.
Hugs,