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Went up to Dad’s grave site like I usually do on Tuesdays.  I go right after I deliver a carafe of coffee and a “goodie” of the day, to a lady in the assisted living facility here in town.  The cematary is just up the hill and around the corner.  Dad’s grave site is in the “new” part.   His grave just about looks down into the valley where Mom and Dad’s house is.  Not far away from the headstone is a pasture fence with wild yucca growing in herds.  Pretty view really. Mom bought a yellow lab dog with a solar light lantern in it’s mouth and it sits guard in front of the headstone.  Lights up the dark night.  

Peaceful there.


I suppose you could call it a milestone. A marker of time going by. Another summer. The grass still needs mowing, the mosquitoes still biting madly as if they know their time is limited. Dad never got bit by mosquitoes…his skin probably tasted of pure Marlboro. I sometimes miss that scent. How odd, I often think, that I don’t smoke. Growing up in a cloud must have given me enough to last a lifetime. Don’t get me wrong – I tried it. I just didn’t like it. Sometimes I wish I did. Maybe my ass wouldn’t be so big. Lately I find myself wanting to smoke again. Maybe it’s because I’m preaching to the boys so much about NOT smoking. Too late for my daughter…she is smoking like her grandparents used to. It kills me, it really does. She doesn’t realize what she is doing to herself. She used to be such an athlete. I bet she couldn’t run a block now. When she was a baby she had terrible croup. Her lungs are already vulnerable and yet she seems to want to further damage herself. She is 19, an “adult” and in college. I have little influence over what she is doing day to day. I only hope she comes to the realization that smoking is a killer in our family.

July 2008
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